I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
