im six kinds of drunk right now
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
