I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
