He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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