Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you never un-have a 4some
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
