there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
