the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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