We're facebook friends in real life
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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