Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
