Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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