I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
