I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
