So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
