I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Too much gin, very little bucket
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
