You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
