Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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