jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
