I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
