She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
