First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
