Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
