I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
