Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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