it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
