Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
