Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
