We're like a lot better than the average bears
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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