Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
