I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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