I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
two words...techno handjob
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
