i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
