i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
