So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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