I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
