Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
