Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
