Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
