He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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