I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
