You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
