That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
