if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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