I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
