I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
