Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
