He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
