You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
