Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
