i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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