Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
