Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
