On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
