My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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