Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
